Jimmy’s Famous Seafood to Acquire PETA

If you can’t beat them, buy them. That’s the new strategy from Jimmy’s Famous Seafood, the Baltimore restaurant and online food retailer on the losing side of a long-standing PR battle with activist group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).

Jimmy’s Famous Seafood, with annual revenue of $1.9 billion last year, plans to acquire PETA in a deal worth more than $100 million, according to a press release.

PETA has been eviscerating the Baltimore crab house through a series of hilarious, biting billboards and social media posts since 2018. Jimmy’s lame counter attacks made the restaurant the laughingstock of Charm City.

“PETA has ‘owned’ Jimmy’s Famous Seafood on Baltimore billboards for the last time,” said John Minadakis, Jimmy’s Co-Owner. “Now we own them, and we’re getting the last laugh.”

Under the terms of the deal, PETA officers, directors, members, and staff are prohibited from acting individually, or on behalf of any organization, in any animal welfare activity for ten years. “We have jobs for most of PETA’s 389 employees, in our picking and packing center,” Minadakis said.

Some parts of PETA will continue to function. PETA’s trademark Lettuce Ladies will be replaced by Crabby Consorts who will stage protests at farmers markets and vegan restaurants world-wide.

Contracts with celebrities named PETA honorary board members will transfer to Jimmy’s. Ellen DeGeneres will lead a campaign for the seafood restaurant’s award-winning crab balls, rebranded Monkey Balls. A radio campaign will feature Paul McCartney’s remake of Blue Jay Way as Old Bay Way.

Mindakis said the annual Proggy Awards distinguishing animal welfare efforts will continue. 2023 nominees include Japanese company Kyodo Senpaku Kaosha, for building a whaling mother ship that can travel to Antarctica, and American company Zimbal Mink, for its ‘Natural Fur – The Sustainable Green Choice’ campaign.