Forgotten Bug Coalition Demands Equal Recognition
Tensions are crawling high this summer in Montgomery County as a coalition of forgotten pestilence formally launched a protest movement aimed at reclaiming the spotlight from 2025’s celebrity invader, the Spotted Lanternfly.
The newly formed United Nuisance Bugs of Blight (UNBB) is comprised of tent caterpillars, Japanese beetles, stink bugs, and a few angry cicadas left over from Brood X. They aired grievances at a Monday morning press conference beneath the skeleton of a rose bush at Johnson's Florist and Garden Center in Kensington.
“We’ve had enough,” declared Hissashi Smashimoto, a bitter Japanese beetle seeking parity. “Every year it’s something new. Lanternflies this, lanternflies that. They get a billion social media posts. Hotline numbers. TikTok campaigns! And what do we get? Hidden away in a bag hanging off a Dogwood branch, in shame. No Facebook posts. No utterances of disgust. Not even a decent squishing.”
UNBB officials outlined years of flip-flopping Montgomery County pest management bias. “Back in 2010, we were the news,” hissed gray-brown stink bug Gordon Stankowitz. "Remember when everyone freaked out about us coming into their houses? We were the ‘invasion.’ We had the headlines. Now? People barely flinch when they find us on their curtains. It’s entomological appropriation fostered by institutionalized bias.”
The spotted lanternfly’s sudden rise to fame is the result of aggressive lobbying and flashy branding, UNBB claims. “They’ve got red wings. Red! It’s not fair,” said Vinny Cocoonelli, a tent caterpillar representing a Twinbrook Parkway collective. “Meanwhile, we’re doing the same damage to trees, but you don't see Montgomery Parks 'hearting' our Instagram reels. I bust my salivary glands spinnin' tents, and the spotted plant hoppers get the limelight?”
Montgomery County leaders declined to meet with the UNBB delegation, citing elevated sting and bite threats. Whether officials embrace a more inclusive pest narrative or spray indiscriminately remains to be seen.
“Let them have their moment. But one day… they’ll be forgotten too. And I'll be waiting. In your cupboards. On your toothbrush. In your soul," warned stink bug Stankowitz.
