Beard Training CDL Opens in Burtonsville

Beard Training CDL has opened its new academy in The Shops at Burtonsville (15420 Old Columbia Pike). Their 12-week program teaches lesbians how to act like straight women for closeted gay truck drivers.

With Beard Training CDL's comprehensive instruction, lesbians learn the tools to easily pass as truck stop lot lizards and pursue a fulfilling career on the open road, with job security and the opportunity to see the country.

According to American Trucking Association research, truckers perceived to be straight earn $6.85 per hour more than their obviously gay counterparts and are less likely to experience depression on the road.

"Truckers are notorious homophobes. Our program provides a foolproof solution that prevents ostracization from CB chatter and ensures pay parity, with zero risk of sexual harassment in the workplace," says lead instructor Millard Jeffries.

Beard Training CDL says the next four years will be challenging for the LGBTQ community as conservative policies spread across the nation's interstates.

"The days of toe tapping in the rest stop stalls are over," Jeffries says. "Drivers who don’t prove their heterosexuality won't get routes. Beard Training delivers sustainable employment for gay truck drivers and lesbians, regardless of politics."

Beard Training CDL is now accepting applications for enrollment in the spring semester.