Players Pelt Firehouse in Bid to End Game
In a desperate bid to avoid an embarrassing shut out, members of the Silver Spring Salamanders youth soccer team launched a full-on assault against Fire Station 16 Tuesday afternoon, pelting the building with soccer balls, juice boxes, and at least one well-aimed athletic cup.
Their goal? To force a no game conclusion to their match, which they were losing 13-0, by goading firefighters into flooding the field.
“It started with a simple water break,” explained referee Darnell Gibbons, who took a Capri Sun pouch to the temple. “Next thing I know, these kids are in full mutiny mode, screaming, ‘"F-150s are for tradesmen, not guys compensating behind huge hoses!’ and ‘Spray us down, Be-aaatch!’ I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Witnesses say the attack lasted roughly 6 minutes before a flak jacketed Montgomery County Fire & Rescue Service mediator stepped outside, only to be immediately bombarded with Papa John's pizza slices and taunts of “Your truck runs on fragile masculinity and unpaid child support."
MCFRS spokesperson Lt. Carla Flint issued a statement saying, “While we commend the children for their creativity and undeniable teamwork, we must remind residents that fire stations are not to be used as weather machines.”
The team’s coach said the kids acted on their own. “I turned around for one second to sneak a quick vape, and next thing I know, it’s Lord of the Flies meets Backdraft out there.”
No injuries were reported, though one firefighter accessed the station's eye wash as a precaution after being sprayed with a Mentos fueled carbonated beverage.
As punishment, the Salamanders players are permanently banned from attending fire station birthday parties and may no longer drink Red Bull during warm-ups.