Glen Echo Puppet Theater Renamed for JD Vance

Officials in Glen Echo announced today that the historic Glen Echo Puppet Theater has been officially renamed the Vance Echo Chamber Puppet Palladium. The announcement comes hot on the heels of the Kennedy Center’s controversial rebranding as the Trump Taj Mahal of the Arts.

The renaming ceremony was held under the twinkling lights of the park’s recently rebranded antique carousel, the Trump Spin Cycle, and attended by a who’s-who of Washington insiders and Montgomery County elected officials.

“I’m honored to have this hallowed, soon-to-be gold-gilded, 4'x6' stage named after me,” Vice President Vance beamed, his black-lined eyes glazing over like a freshly varnished Pinocchio. “Under President Trump, we have achieved the greatest levels of puppetry in American political history!”

Local leaders noted that their initial revulsion to the renaming quickly gave way to acceptance. “The magic of puppetry is making the audience believe a wooden-headed character is real, and nobody embodies that tradition quite like JD Vance,” said Montgomery County Council President Natali Fani-González.

Beyond the name change, the Vance Echo Chamber Puppet Palladium announced an all-new winter stage lineup.

The Bozo & Bondi Ventriloquist Act

 This show has been widely acclaimed for its incredible realism, transporting the audience to a reality where—for 30 minutes—the dummy appears to be a living, breathing, thinking being. "I saw Bozo’s lips move, but the words had no correlation to the dummy’s speech whatsoever," said one astonished audience member.

Marionette Marco

 He may be dangling from strings, but you will be left wondering who is manipulating whom at the end of this delightful 10-minute vignette in which Marco flip-flops across the stage, gets hopelessly entangled in his own lines, yet somehow miraculously comes out unscathed.

Hegseth’s Hand Puppet Hippos

 The second half of the performance features the puppet master’s hysterical story about a group of Pablo Escobar’s Colombian crack hippopotamuses assigned to sink canoes running cocoa on Venezuela's Orinoco River. It is a tale that delights audiences young and old alike.

The Vance Echo Chamber Puppet Palladium is open Monday to Friday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and weekends from 12 p.m. to 5 p.m.