Just one day after inauguration, the Donald Trump cardboard cutout seen across Maryland last year with Robin Ficker has announced a split from the perineal Republican candidate.

Insiders say Trump cardboard cutout declared Ficker disloyal after seeing pictures of his 2024 summer fling with a Jayden Daniels cardboard cutout last month. Ficker's scissors security clearance was revoked this morning by executive order.

Ficker and Trump cardboard cutout were first spotted together in public on July 2, strolling Ocean City's boardwalk hand-in-hand while giving thumbs up to every passerby. They were nearly inseparable and seemingly everywhere in Maryland last summer, appearing together in Damascus, Essex, Bethesda, Salisbury, Boyds, Leonardtown, Hagerstown, Frederick, Belair, Camden Yards in Baltimore, and even at the Olympics in Paris, France.

But something happened after Ficker and Trump cardboard cutout tied the knot in September in a quiet ceremony at the Comus Inn. They were seen together less frequently, the last being November 3 in the M&T Bank Stadium parking lot before a Baltimore Ravens game.

In mid-November the first hints of Ficker's fickleness surfaced when photos of the fine Washington Commanders rookie quarterback, Jayden Daniels, began filling Ficker's Facebook feed.

By December Ficker was posting Daniels' photo alongside Mohammed Ali and Martin Luther King in posts Trump cardboard cutout says, "even JD and Elon thought were insensitive."

Ficker and Daniels cardboard cutout were seen arm-in-arm two weeks ago in Annapolis, drawing praise from Marylanders who want to change the name back to Redskins and say they have a black friend too.

It is not clear whether Ficker's September marriage to Trump cardboard cutout can be annulled. In his final act in office, President Joe Biden gave an unconditional pardon to Dave Golden, the minister who married them.

Editor's Note: We understand the difference between perennial and perineal. Please don't send correction notices.