WMATA Presents Olfactory Citizenship Award

The Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) today honored Silver Spring resident David Golden with their inaugural "Olfactory Citizenship" award. The prestigious, oddly sticky award recognizes Golden's tireless dedication to reporting the persistent aroma of urine in the parking lot stairwells of the Glenmont Metro Station.

A Scent-sational Achievement

"Mr. Golden has been an invaluable asset to our community," stated WMATA General Manager and CEO Randy Clarke, pinching his nose in a Glenmont Metro Station garage stairwell. "His commitment to documenting the absence of public hygiene on Metro property is truly unparalleled. For nearly a decade, we've received a daily report from Mr. Golden, consistently at 7:17 AM, detailing the precise olfactory nuances of our stairwells."

Golden, a self-proclaimed "advocate for aromatic accountability," accepted the award, a beautifully engraved plaque with a small, gold-plated air freshener on the back, with typical modesty. "It's not about the accolades," he told The Montgonion. "It's about the principle. Every citizen deserves a stairwell that smells better than the restrooms at Ross Dress for Less in Briggs Chaney.

The Daily Briefing

For the past nine years, Golden's morning routine has involved not just commuting, but also meticulously cataloging the daily evolution of the stairwell's pungency. His reports include colorful descriptions like "eau de last night's Jameson with a hint of 7-11 Columbian dark roast" or "a robust, artisanal, asparagus-urine bouquet," and are legendary within WMATA's customer service department and on Facebook.

While WMATA hopes the award will raise awareness and help combat public urination, Golden is skeptical. "It's a nice gesture," said Golden, stepping gingerly around a suspicious puddle. "But I'd rather they just, you know, cleaned it. Or maybe install urinals."